Hell Hath no Furry
by BreakingSuperLock
Summary: Cas's guinea pig problem is spiraling out of control and Dean doesn't know what to do.


**Just a fluffy thing I wrote in 20 minutes. Destiel, grumpy Dean, and innocent Cas.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own SPN!**

It started harmlessly.

Dean wasn't fond of the idea when Cas first suggested it. But he let it happen, because hey, how was he supposed to know one little mistake would nearly cost him the whole bunker?

Sometimes he regretted that day more than anything else he had done in the past. God, he was an idiot. _Oh, it's just one,_ he had thought. _This one time won't hurt anything!_

And the first time was fine. At first. Nothing ever went smoothly in Dean's life. He shouldn't have been surprised when the domino effect kicked in and spiraled out of his control before he had time to figure out how exactly he was supposed to put an end to this insanity.

Dean couldn't very well tell Cas no. He could try, but then the angel gave him those friggin' stabbed baby eyes and Dean felt like a filthy sinner for even daring to tell him no.

He was so screwed. He wasn't supposed to be this fuzzy softy who melted inside when Cas made _the stupid damn adorable face._

It was a welcome blessing when Dean could just sprawl on his bed and take a nice nap. It was also a welcome blessing when he felt Cas's lips gently kissing him awake.

"Mm…" Dean smiled lazily and puckered his lips. He opened his eyes and startled when it was not Cas's lips against his, but the mouth of one of Cas's seven… no, ten… twelve… at least fifteen… friggin' thirty-something (?) guinea pigs that had claimed the bunker as their own.

He jerked his face back and moved the guinea pig aside. As disgusted as he was, because he did _not_ want to know where that guinea pig's mouth had been, he didn't want to even imagine the monstrosity Cas would unleash if Dean was too rough with one of the guinea pigs.

"Which one are you?" Dean demanded, not recognizing this particular pig. "I'm talking to a damn guinea pig," he muttered, moving the fuzzy little turd to the floor. Offended, it scurried away.

Dean never thought things would get this bad. It seemed that every day, he saw at least one guinea pig he didn't remember seeing the day before.

He would sell his soul (again) if it meant he could erase that fateful day at the pet store.

* * *

 _"_ _C'mon, Cas, let's get out of here. It smells like poop and cat food in this store," Dean groaned as they stood in a little pet shop._

 _Cas remained glued to the guinea pig habitat, his adoring eyes following the guinea pigs. "They are fascinating, Dean," he murmured lowly. "Look. This one is digging in his companion's habitat."_

 _"_ _I'm intrigued, Cas."_

 _The fallen angel pointed again. "That one is amusing itself on the wheel." He reached into the habitat and gently lifted the guinea pig. "Hello… pig. I am Castiel."_

 _Dean groaned. "Cas. You said this would be quick. I want lunch."_

 _Cas stared at him flatly. "Are you not impressed?"_

 _The disappointed tone tugged at Dean's heart in a way that made him scowl. "Jeez…" He stared at the little brown animal. It had a white spot on its nose. "I guess it's cute."_

 _Cas held the rodent against his chest. "I think it… I want to call it a she… would be an excellent companion for us at the bunker."_

 _Dean's eyes widened. "Oh, no. Cas, that thing will poop, destroy things…"_

 _"_ _All living creatures must defecate," Cas growled. "And I will train it to be respectful of our belongings. Please, Dean."_

 _Not the face… the face. He was doing the face. Dean was going to kill Sam for encouraging Cas to try_ _ **the face.**_

* * *

Cas named his first guinea pig Cookie. Their lives would have been perfect had Cas not decided Cookie needed a mate.

But one mate wasn't enough. Cas brought home three mates for Cookie. They later learned that Cookie and her dear friend Molly were females. And of course their two mates were males.

Cas insisted on keeping the babies. All… Dean didn't know how many… of them. And then the babies needed mates.

"Dean!" Cas called gleefully. "Watson has learned to enjoy the sweater I purchased for him!" He entered the room, holding another guinea pig Dean didn't recognize. It was dressed in a tiny sweater.

"Good for him." Dean reached between two guinea pigs to get the loaf of bread. He had to shoo a handful of them away as he put a sandwich together. One of them snatched a bite of ham.

"Now, Lucy, was that entirely necessary?" Cas reprimanded gently.

"No," Dean spat. "No, it was not entirely necessary!"

Sam poked his head into the room as he carefully tried to remove a guinea pig from his hair. "What's going on?"

"I need pie," Dean grumbled. He opened the fridge. What he saw made his heart stop. His last slice of pie was nothing but a single apple slice with a pinch of crust on it. "They got my pie!"

Cas frowned. "I'm sorry. That was irresponsible of them. Pie is not part of their diet."

"Apparently it is, Cas!" Dean snapped, slamming the door shut and grabbing his sandwich before four of Cas's guinea pigs could eat it. "Keep your pigs under control!"

"Guinea pigs," Cas corrected haughtily, scooping up one of them with a protective look touching his face. "Do not mislabel them."

"They're dicks," Dean corrected. "They're out of control!"

Cas's face fell. "Do you not like them? I thought they would be amusing."

Oh, God. He was doing the face again. Dean hated how much he loved that stupid face and how much he wanted to kiss that stupid face to make Cas smile again.

"Way to go, Cas," Dean muttered. "Now I feel like an ass."

"I'm sorry if they trouble you," Cas murmured solemnly. "I just find them wonderful."

Dean groaned. "Cas, I'm sorry. I like your pigs. Guinea pigs. I really do." He settled his hands on Cas's shoulders. "They are fun. Especially when they play in Sam's hair and he can't get them out."

"Not funny!" Sam called from the bathroom.

"But…" Dean sighed. "Can you try to end your collection? I mean, they're everywhere, babe."

Cas nodded softly. "I suppose I did go slightly overboard." He looked down at the guinea pig in his hand and gently stroked its head. "Perhaps I should donate some of them."

Dean tried not to jump for joy. "I think that's a great idea. I'm sure some kids out there would love them."

"I suppose that seeing a child receive the gift of one of my guinea pigs will be worth giving them away." Cas gently set the one he was holding down. "Can… can I keep two?"

"How about three?"

Cas's face lit up. His cerulean eyes made him look like a kid on Christmas and Dean smiled softly. _That_ was the face he loved.

"I'll help you round them up," Dean volunteered. Together, he and Cas collected all but three of his guinea pigs.

Finding homes for them wasn't easy. They were able to return some to the pet shops. Cas made certain that his guinea pigs would be looked after. He was quiet at first, but once they were back at the bunker with his remaining pets, he was okay again.

"I've gotta say, I forgot what the bunker looked like under that layer of guineas," Dean joked as they sat on his bed that night.

Cas nodded thoughtfully as he tucked his three guinea pigs into their habitat. "They seem happier now. I was getting rather tired of breaking up their fights. Some of them were quite petty with their constant fighting."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah?"

"Yes." Cas sat down. "I've been contemplating. I would like to find something else to take care of."

"Give it some time, babe." Dean closed his eyes and tugged the covers up to his chin.

"Alright." Cas laid down as well. "I'm sorry I was so irritable over my animals."

"No, I'm sorry. I was kind of a jerk." Dean smiled playfully. "Hell hath no fury like you when you're protecting your pigs."

Cas closed his eyes. "Hell has no guinea pigs. Or any other pets, for that matter. That's one reason why I'm not fond of that destination."

"So you're saying hell hath no furry?"

Cas frowned. "I do not know what that means."

* * *

Cas gave it exactly three days before Dean awoke to a kitten sleeping on his face.

 **The end! I'd love for the reviews to outnumber Cas's guinea pigs...**


End file.
